Its been a year today...

Firstly Happy Easter to you all... And may we never forget those who lost their lives to save our's...

Today being Anzac day has really made me think about my life, my directions, my emotions, my accomplishments but most my exsitence... Thousands of men lost their live's in battles they could not win, no matter how they tried, and it was all done for the freedom of what we have today, most of them didnt have a choice to be there, however they took that step out on the front line knowing there was no going back.. not just to bunkers that night but to their family's at home.. to the life they knew before that battle...They shall never be forgotten..

My question to myself is what have I done to "justify my exsitence" or to be worthy of the ultimate sacrifice that these men and women did for me.

I have been living my life in order to make others happy and awaiting a change in the wind or by something I feel I can do to create their happiness.
Am I really being forfilled or living a forfilled life by giving to those who will only deceive me in the future? How do you weed out the real from the fake...? I guess my answer to this is "Yes".. I am forfilled.. I do it cause I feel its right and do it in hope to make a difference to someones life for the better.. no matter how they treat me in the future that fact is, I do it not to receive but to give... The only thing that needs to change is my expectation on that person to be true and loyal... It is up to them to choose to or not... not for me to expect it.

The men on the front line, step forward and gave their life, knowing it would not be returned to them, but they did it to make a difference to our live's today and for always..

By continuing to give in order to make a difference I hope I can "justify my exsistance' from what may come from my actions.

Lest we never forget xo

My Heaven...

This blog is all about our Ideas of heaven… our own heaven…
I have been thinking lately of our purpose of our own existence…. What is at the end of it all no matter what your faith we all tend to believe we are going to a “Better place”
Life has so many heartaches and pain that we all hope that it will have some sort of reward BUT are we simply missing heaven we have been given or have the opportunity to have if we simply strive for it… and focus on what we really want?

Im a country music fan at heart and one of my favorite singers is Trace Adkins..
This song has summed up my Idea of heaven…



“My Heaven” By Trace Adkins.

Everybody has their own idea of heaven
What kind of paradise they'll see
Pearly gates, streets of gold

No getting sick, or growin old
Sounds like a beautiful place to be

But as for me,







My heaven is a wood frame house with a great big porch goin all the way around

Sittin on the swing listenin to the sound of the birds singin
My heaven is a warm summer day in the back yard
While the kids all play, flies and mosquitos stay away
While we're eattin watermelon

That's my heaven..

You're always gonna find a few non-believers
Those who stay lost in the dark
But I believe there is a place
Full of light 'n love and grace
And I don't believe that its all that far in my heart

My heaven is a cell phone ring while I'm at work
And the only thing that you have to say
Is you miss me and get home in a hurry
My heaven is the very worst day that I spent with you
When you were so mad but I still knew
Nobody would leave cause that don't happen
In my heaven

My heaven is where I am now on the front porch of the wood frame house
Swingin with you just lookin around at all I've been given and this life I'm livin
Is my heaven

Flying without wings.

Everybody's looking for a something, one thing that makes it all complete you'll find it in the strangest places
Places you never knew it could be, some find it in the face of their children, some find it in their lover's eyes.

Who can deny the joy it brings? when you've found that special thing, you're flying without wings, some find it sharing every morning , some in their solitary lives, you'll find it in the words of others, a simple line can make you laugh or cry.

You'll find it in the deepest friendship, the kind you cherish all your life and when you know how much it means you've found that special thing, you're flying without wings.


So, impossible as it may seem, you've got to fight for every dream cos who's to know which one you let go
would have made you complete?

These are the some of the lyrics from "Flying without wings by westlife" a very beautiful and touching song.. fellas sorry you proberly think its  "Gay" as some may say...lol you know who you are... :)

It brought me to a thought is this really all life is about?... everyone is on a constant search of that "Compelet feeling" for me i can relate to it... as i feel most complete when i am contributing to others completeness... even if it means my heart breaks in the end as a result, I can heal knowing that ive made a difference to someones elses life..
Unfortunatley or fortunately - i havent yet decided which one it is (i just have to trust my voice within)... but I tend to love whole heartedly with ever bit of energy and strength i have in order to fill others voids... I like to believe inside of everyone there is a inner strength that just needs a little nurturing and watering to be able to blossum into their full protential.. if i can help to nurture and water their strength, love and belief then nothing else matters.. as if i can help do this my life has a purpose... and im thankful to be apart of theirs.This for me is flying without wings...xxx

Unsure Emotions

Im currently at work at the moment, and I've just come back from my morning break. On my break i found out some news which brings me to my Blog's topic "unsure emotions" what happens when a situation arrises or you've been told some news you really don't know how you feel about... you know something is not sitting right inside but you just don't know what you are feeling or how you should be feeling!


Maybe its your head and your heart having a debate???

Your head is saying "don't worry about it its nothing important etc" and your heart is saying "ouch that hurt"

and your left feeling a little... empty?

My wonderful workmate just ask really good question "What kind of future do I foresee with this circumstance, what would I like to get out of it?"

Because this news had to do with my past... I guess to me, that part of my past is now complete and there is no need/ want to see it in my future... So after taking a deep breath absorbing how I felt in the moment... I know am at peace with the news and im now left feeling full of certainty once again... Thanks Troy :) your support through the year has certainly been appreciated... You rock xxoo



Today must be one of those days very spiritual kind of days... im very in tune with human thoughts and emotions its like I almost feel spirits around me... I know deep and a bit who do voodo but its true... i can feel something/someone is certainly very present and i believe it is more then 1... geesss I better behave :)



Until next time keep smiling... or laughing... or crying which ever it is you need to do :) xxx

Emotions

Some may say we are run with emotions that incidently steers which way we steer this vogage of life... I am also one of these believers..
My outlook on life is positive always trying to be positive, in truth always trying to mask real emotion with a rose coloured glasses outlook... i do truley believe one has to face emotion.. if your angry show it.. if you sad cry, if your happy laugh (and please share it) and if your just not feeling like being around anyone go and find your quiet spot and just be with your thoughts... this to me is the only way to work through our sometimes hopeless emotions...  we all deal with life's emotions differently.. i do also belive wholey and souly in my previous blogs but please let me add to it! The only way I got over my 3 -4 year realtionship which was meant to be complimented with a wedding just week and a bit ago was to feel & live through every emotion i felt... sad, frustrated, happy, self dought, imagin things were different and last but not least be proud of myself for putting up such a fight for a man i really did love... Fortunaly my boxing gloves are now retired in that relationship and now my emotion of finding my new found future it's dam exciting, scarey and extremely daughting... but i have my new gloves of life on and am going to fight until i cant fight no longer to be the best i can be, the strongest i can be and most of all just being me :) and looking forward to finding a new crew of friends/loved ones to enjoy my new vogage of life with me :)

The Living Dead

My question/thoughts are do we have to have a terminal illness in order to be dieing? Or are we simply choosing to lead a dead life regardless of our health? Let me explain.

Ok for those who have just been given a set time to live have just had the wind knocked out of their sails... and go through the process of every emotion god has given us to ever experience, mostly though those of which we never ever want to feel.. For some there comes a time of acceptance and positive attitude in order to carry out everything one wants to share and do before the second journey starts to heaven/afterlife (or where ever their belive is) therefore the last days, months years are always realistic that life is short and you have to live it with your eyes wide open taking in every single detail around you being grateful for everyday you wake up in the morning.

And some choose to stay in the depression stage literaly wasting valuable time really living and bringing the ones that will be left behind just as depressed.
Then you have the ones that have good health, good family, good job etc and choose just to want more and more out of life with the attitude of "When i buy/ get this Ill be happy"...or "when I achieve this that will make me happy" or "if I loose weight or bulk up then ill be happy" and the list continues.
But the whole time their focus is on the future and not the present... its like the old saying "today is a gift that is why it is called the present".
So for these people, they arent really living they are just exsisting which to me is a dead life...

Then you have thoes who want to stay in the past and never move on....

Ones that have had a shonky upbringing/ childhood and hate the world because of how they were treated and believe that everyone around them owes them something...so they are really living a dead life...
Instead of pulling their finger out of their backside and saying well that is my past's I want different for my future and my childrens future I should be thankful I have learnt what not to do....

You have people who everything is never good enough.. never ever appreciating what is put on that silver little platter of theirs... cause they have never ever had to work for a dam thing they have and believe that everyone else is below them... i bet they dont even know what a sunset feels like... yes i said feels... :) to me their life is dead.. with no purpose and no meaning...

Unfortunatly there is only a small minority of people that choose to live a life of love, laughter, inspiration & giving... only people who feel sunsets, wind on their face and other peoples happiness can truely say they are living... life is not a matter of health, possesions, wealth or other fundamental things, to me it is measured by priceless moment... "Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away" (quote unknown source)...
My conclusion, choose to live the rest of our days regardless of health with an outlook and a realistic vision it could very well be our last... do things your afraid to do... go places you thought only exsisted in dreams.. Love like you cant loose... to me i would rather have regrets over something i did then something i was too afraid to do... cause it would be a regret of mine to say "what if"

Everyones Normal is different everyones "ok" is different.. personally for a recently single individual such as myself I have no idea what my new normal is or what my new ok is... but looking forward to finding out... my new focus on my life and its journey and how i can inspire others with the experience i have lived through...and do my darnest to make sure I dont live a dead life... so no more handbrakes or caution signs for me... 2010 im taking risks leaving the handbrakes and caution to the past... :) watch out world here i come... cause as life has it.. it could very well be my last year... I myself have been given a 75% chance of getting another deadly melanoma i may never find... if not then what a story i will have to tell about the last days :)

Who wants in?

Life is a destiny...and we are the captain...:)

Tonight I watched "Perfect Proposal" made me start thinking about lifes funny ways.


In brief: Two people work together.. One is the Boss who is a complete witch from hell.. the other "the assistant is fantastic guy and has it all going for him but gets treated like a piece of dog do do from his boss and takes it only because he wants a career.Out of the blue this offer comes his way from his boss , that is extremly unrealistic, unconvential and not to mention totally insane... he accepts it.
Despite going against his gut instinct... He willingly lies to all friends and family in order to get "that promotion" and meet his end of the deal.

Cutting a long story short this "totally insane, unrealistic and unconvential offer" is the best thing that could of ever happened to him and  his now new fiance.

For us people that are used to taking the "Safe" road in life, maybe it is really doing us some damage maybe we are missing out on some really good times... and should I say it... we may even be missing out on our destiny.

I believe we have a big influence on our destiny... life throw's us curve balls, but its up to us to throw it back in a direction... but ultimatly its our choice which way we throw it...

So next time we get offered a totally insane offer think twice before you answer it... It may be an unanswered prayer just about to be answered...So take a risk :)